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The General Services Administration has unveiled an artificial intelligence program purpose-built to eliminate redundant federal forms — and celebrated the launch by requiring applicants to complete a new set of forms explaining why the old forms are no longer necessary. Paper consumption at participating agencies rose 34 percent in the initiative's first quarter.
After three years and $12 million in taxpayer investment, the Federal Processing Modernization Agency has achieved the impossible: making government services simultaneously more digital and more analog than ever before. The breakthrough system requires users to complete an online form to request permission to fill out a different online form that generates a confirmation code needed to operate the office fax machine.
In a rare display of cross-aisle harmony, the United States Congress has unanimously passed legislation renaming a rural Nebraska post office after a locally beloved mail carrier, with both parties immediately declaring it proof that democracy is working. The post office in question has been closed since 2019. Seventeen sitting senators have issued press releases claiming primary responsibility for the achievement.
In scenes of near-tearful unity not witnessed since the last post office renaming in April, the United States Senate passed the Gerald R. Hoffmeister Memorial Postal Facility Designation Act by a vote of 97 to 3, prompting senators from both parties to declare that American democracy is, in fact, still alive. Seventeen bills addressing infrastructure, prescription drug pricing, and the federal debt ceiling remain tabled pending improved atmospheric conditions, currently forecast for approximately 2047.
For the first time in recorded history, twelve of Washington's most ideologically opposed think tanks stood shoulder to shoulder at a joint press conference to announce a landmark area of agreement. They all need more funding. Specifically, to find out whether they need more funding. Three new think tanks were established before the press conference ended.
Once upon a time, Digg was the undisputed king of the early internet — a place where nerds, news junkies, and professional procrastinators gathered to vote stories up or down like tiny digital gods. Then came a catastrophic redesign, a mass exodus, and one of the most spectacular self-owns in tech history. Grab a coffee. This one's a ride.